playing on the ipod.....

Can't be friends - Trey songs
Right thru me - Nicki Minaj
There goes my baby - Usher
When a woman loves - R kelly
Your love - Nicki Minaj
Check it out - Will.I.Am & Nicki Minaj

Endure to the end....

Life constantly throws us curve balls. It's how we catch them and throw them back that counts yeah?

2 days ago we decided on accepting the job offers and moving back to Sydney....It's bittersweet.

I am really excited to be around my family more. Esp my bff Renea and my sisters...and my mum. Life has been lonely without them. I miss Renea and our craziness when we are together. I miss my sisters...My older sister bossing me around, me bossing my younger sisters around. I miss taking the piss out of my mum - there is truly never a dull moment whilst i'm with her. I miss my Nieces and my nephews and all my inlaws.

But leaving Melbourne is bittersweet... My family here have opened my eyes to so many things. Because of them I laugh louder.... I love deeper...I have become stronger. My cousin Linda has been my rock. She is one of the most amazing persons i'm lucky enough to have in my life. She has become one of my closest friends and I am going to miss her most of all.

When we 1st moved to Melbourne I was very sick...My memory was weak, my mind was scattered. In some sense it has been a journey of self discovery for me. I've always been independent but Melbourne fully detached me from my comfort zone and I learnt to be strong. I focused more on my family life, health and faith and wow...... its been life changing. My marriage is PERFECT! My husband is amazing, my son is the personification of Miracle.

IT's going to be so hard to drive away from here....from whats been home for the last 9 months.

But i'm not leaving empty handed... With me im taking the life lessons that I have learnt.

Being here, I've also had time to reflect on the past. I've had time to heal. I have always been a firm believer in "NO REGRETS" ...still am. But I have acknowledged the many mistakes i've made and boy have I made a few! I can honestly say that I am so content with life now....everyday is a blessing.

I guess this has just turned into a ramble....as alot of my blogs tend to lol.

until next time...xx

Worried about giving B-J a sibling

And I begin to realize that I haven’t taken something from you, I’ve given something to you.I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you – only differently. ♥

Quoted....

If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals

11 weeks and counting

SO I'm 11 weeks and 4 days pregnant today (according to my 1st ultrasound) But I'm already feeling flutter movement. I don't remember feeling movement with B-J until I was about 16 wks-ish. I think its too early but it was definitely movement! Maybe my dates are messed up? My 1st Antenatal appointment is tomorrow maybe I can speak to my midwife I have another Ultrasound next week anyway so we can double check then. Its so sweet though - I forgot what it felt like. I didn't think I would be blessed enough to feel this again.

The sookie stackhouse series by charlaine harris

I read this series (up to book 9) last year and thought before I start reading book *10 I'd write my review. I was a little worried about reading them because I jumped the gun and started watching the TV series, Tru Blood, which is based on the books. But I loved each and every book. I read the whole 9 books in 1 week! I adore Sookie's character, she is a down to earth girl who doesn't scare or take crap easily - oh with special abilities. She is torn between 2 lovers, has the strangest company for friends - not to mention family. Charlaine Harris is pure genius and this series just fuels my vampire addiction.

It makes me mad!

It really makes me mad to see some girls pregnant when they cant even look after then child/ren they already have. Especially when some of these girls don't even have the other kids in there care? Are you fucking kidding me? Girls its called birth control...put a cork in it! I feel so sorry for these children and the lifestyle they are being brought into.

The pheonix and the hippo....

...and so the phoenix fell in love with the hippo. Or maybe it was the hippo's paycheck?

Whitney Houston Ft. Akon - Like I Never Left (Lyrics)

Something with a lil meaning.

Someone who truly loves you can look at you and see the pain in your eyes instead of believeing the smile upon your face.

"Come here, let me whisper in your ear. Tell you all that bullshit that you love to hear. You will probably hate me in a year. But right about now you like my style. How I talk, how I walk, how I smile. How I fake, how I fuck, how I growl. I need a man stronger then me. Not a man in the mirror longer then me."

"Can't tell me nothing now... baby I know how to fly. Can't nothing hold me down I'm gonna touch the sky."

Episode bananza!!

Over the past week I've been hooked on T.V show episdodes! I watched Gossip girl Season 1 & 2
and I am soooooo hooked! Serena is beautiful. Blair is edgy and wicked - my kinda girl! And CHUCK BASS is a machine. I've told my hubby that I am in love with him. The whole damagaed, bad boy with wicked intentions just does it for me.

Next was BIG LOVE....
I must say I'm hooked!! It's about a about a mainstream polygamous family. Theres Bill and his 3 beautiful wives, Barb, Nikki and Margie! I love love this show! Even though I do not agree with Polygamy theses characters are beautiful.

Anything thats worth having is sure enough worth fighting for....

The bitch is back!

Wise words....

The power of words always leaves me breathless....


And I feel it's presence with my every being. I can't concentrate because it nibbles at my every thought. I feel it burning deep within. It's like a pleasurable pain that lingers, a pain I know I created.

You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks or even months over analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened... Or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuk on...

"When you come to the end of all the light you know, and it's time to step into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing that one of two things will happen - "Either you will be given something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly"

Paramore - Misery Business

I'm in the business of misery, let's take it from the top
She's got a body like an hourglass that's tickin' like a clock
It's a matter of time before we all run out...
When I thought he was mine, she caught him by the mouth

I waited eight long months, she finally set him free
I told him I couldn't lie, he was the only one for me
Two weeks, two weeks and we'd caught on fire
She's got it out for me, but I wear the biggest smile

Whoa, I never meant to brag
But I got him where I want him now
Whoa, it was never my intention to brag
To steal it all away from you now
But God does it feels so good
'Cause I got him where I want him now
And if you could then you know you would
'Cause God it just feels so...
It just feels so good

Second chances they don't ever matter, people never change
Once a whore, you're nothing more, I'm sorry that'll never change
And about forgiveness, we're both supposed to have exchanged
I'm sorry honey, but I passed it up, now look this way!

Well there's a million other girls who do it just like you
Looking as innocent as possible to get to you,
They want and what they like, it's easy if you do it right
Well I refuse, I refuse, I refuse!

Whoa, I never meant to brag
But I got him where I want him now
Whoa, it was never my intention to brag
To steal it all away from you now
But God does it feel so good
'Cause I got him where I want him right now
And if you could then you know you would
'Cause God it just feels so...
It just feels so good...

I watched his wildest dreams come true
And not one of them involving you
Just watch my wildest dreams come true
Not one of them involving...

Whoa, I never meant to brag
But I got him where I want him now...

Whoa, I never meant to brag
But I got him where I want him now
Whoa, it was never my intention to brag
To steal it all away from you now
But God does it feels so good
'Cause I got him where I want him now
And if you could then you know you would
'Cause God it just feels so...
It just feels so good!

Pentax K100D - I miss you baby!

I miss my camera! Its been over 4 months since I've held it in my hands *sigh* Its still packed up in a box in storage. I keep nagging my husband to go rummage through all the boxes to find it but he said its too buried ....BLAH! Then today he is like.... "bub if i find your camera will you come do a shoot of the boys and I at skirmish on Sunday". Nope, i don't want it now lol

So I had my final specialist appointment today... to be honest I think he is a quack! Ive given this guy sooooo much moola$$ to tell me I'm perfectly fine now...even though my memory is still weak and I'm forgetful. He said to just chill and not stress so much, relax.... dude if i was any more laid back and relaxed id be a fuckin' sleep. I go back to see my GP next week and i know he is gonna send me for a second opinion!! But the good news is My MRI scans are ALL clear, my EEG scan was perfect. What is this mystery problem????? Its been almost 4 months now and even though I'm so much better I'm so over this. - Just wanna be 100% me again!!

We (Linda, Sia, Lisa, Ida, Cherie and I) have been having dance practice getting all our Siva's ready for the reunion in Samoa in December. We have 2 down ...2 left to go! I love it!

B-J and I are preparing for our baptism, not long to go now. I've quit smoking and B-J is memorising his articles of faith its really beautiful to sit and listen to him. Aunt sima has so much patience to teach him - he is so hyper-active!

Quotes that i'm lovin' lately ....

"Sometimes someone says something really small, and it just fits right into this empty place in your heart."

"There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart. ♥ "

Song's on the iPod that i've got on repeat .....

~ Photographs - Rihanna & Will.I.Am

Lyrics - "All ive got, are these photographs, all i got is nothing w/out you, nothing w/out you"

Movies I've watched this week.....

*Bride and prejidce

Book I'm reading.... Private Demon Darklyn #2

I love that i'm his wife

It's been over 4 months now since we tied the knot. It took us 10 years but we finally done it. everyone said its no different to how you are as defacto, its just a piece of paper.... I have to say i thought i agreed until now. I feel complete. I feel proud. It's such an amazing feeling, I just love everything about the fact that I am his wife. He is such an amazing person and I have to say I am the luckiest.

The book of Mormon

So a few months ago I started having lessons with the missionaries. My husband and my son are both mormon and after becoming sick in Janurary I prayed and looked to God for help and forgivness. It has opened so many doors for me, it has awakened my soul. In August my son will turn 8 and will be baptised...I will be so proud and blessed to be baptised with him. I have always considered myself a believer... I always had faith in god. I just didnt practice my faith so much. The book of mormon along with the other 3 books have become so important to me. The gospel is so important and I am so blessed to receive it.

Memories...& Melbourne.

At the beggining of the month I had a seizure - Well we still don't know what exactly happened for sure untill I see the neurologist next month. But something happened which resulted in my short term memory loss, bad headaches, brain wave abnormalities and me laying out cold on the floor at work. SCARY!

You really don't realise how much you take the simple things for granted until something major happens. I wake up each day feeling like i'm not even real...it's like Deja-vu. I have become so forgetful and have trouble concentrating and focusing.

Today I went to pick up my son from school and I walked around looking for his new classroom for 10 minutes before I asked somebody where it was. Its so frustrating, I never would have had a problem like this before.

I go to sleep every night hoping that I'm going to wake up in the morning and be "back to normal".

Getting better...slowly slowly. 1 step forward 2 steps back.


We have been living in Melbourne for 2 weeks now. I love it here. Its so different from sydney!
I love hanging out with the fam. We started training this week! Monga and Ray are our (Me, Linda, Ida, Sia, Cherrie, Lisa & Ken) personal trainers. Its hard work but heaps cool to all hang out together!

I have to wait another month before I can know if i can drive or look for work and I hate it! Its the 1st time in 5 yrs that I have been unemployed....Its not nice.

B-J has started school and adjusted well. I can't believe he is in grade 2....he is such a big guy now. He will be 8 this year.... the year of his baptisim.

I miss my mum and sisters and niece so so so so so so so much! It's hard being so far away from them all.